Thursday, March 11, 2010

Will it ever end?

A light at the end of the tunnel.

School, heartache, money problems, pain, and so on.
It is only temporary.

And if thou shouldst be cast into the pit, or into the hands of murders, and the sentence of death passed upon thee; if thou be cast into the deep; if the billowing surge conspire against thee; if fierce winds become thine enemy; if the heavens gather blackness, and all the elements combine to hedge up the way; and above all, if the very jaws of hell shall gape open the mouth wide after thee, know thou, my son, that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good. The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?
-Doctrine and Covenants 122:7-8

One of my dearest friends pointed me to that scripture years ago while I was going through my divorce. It helped renew my outlook on life. That same dear friend is going through a horrible trial right now. Just 4 weeks ago, they went to find out the gender of their new baby. A girl! It wasn't the only thing they found out. Their little angel had Turners Syndrome, and would not live. 2 days ago, her tiny heart stopped. Today, his wife will deliver her stillborn. A broken body. An empty body.

This is the second friend that has lost an unborn child in the last month! My heartaches every time I look at my own perfect baby girl. The most amazing thing about these two families: their faith. They KNOW the plan of salvation to be true. They KNOW they will hold their daughters and raise them. They KNOW our Heavenly Father is a god of love. They brought two angels to the world that needed to depart swiftly. How blessed they have been! How honored! It is an unimaginable pain for me to even think about and I am in awe at their strength.

Mail came today. Nate's graduation acceptance came today. Tears of joy! There is an end! After the struggles, the sacrifice, the lack of sleep. In just a little over the month my husband will be walking at BYU and accepting his diploma! He has managed to maintain an awesome GPA, secure scholarships, support his family of 6! He has worked so hard for this! There were people who said it couldn't be done. He'd have to drop out and work. He proved them wrong, he stayed in school. I don't know what the future holds for us. He wants to continue on to his masters right away and it will take us outside of Utah. He got his first "rejection". It was the school I wanted him to go to, University of Massachusetts. I wanted to live near Katy and Mom. My heart broke when they told him "DENIED". He was only turned away due to a professor not turning something in on time. Oh the anger I felt!

This has been a tough week. So many mixed emotions, so many tears. I find peace at little moments: Afton smiling and cooing at 4 am. Raedin's unexpected hugs and kisses. Evelynn's melodious giggle. Taylor's infectious smile.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. We get closer every day.


  1. Beautiful message...Thanks for sharing it!

  2. Thanks, Chrissy. I needed to hear this. You're an inspiration to me and I love having you as my cousin :D